


The In-between

by Marilyn_Lucille



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Confessions, Destiel - Freeform, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 12:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19295497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marilyn_Lucille/pseuds/Marilyn_Lucille
Summary: Castiel fights the battle of wanting passion from his best friend, while treading lightly to not destroy the friendship he holds so dear.However, confessing to Dean Winchester proves to be a disaster; that is, until Dean himself takes a hold on the situation.





	The In-between

**Author's Note:**

> I aplologize for this piece dragging out a bit at the start, but I enjoy where it goes from there. ;)  
> PLEASE leave comments, kudos, whateva ya heart desires. It'd truly mean a lot.

Dim grey moonlight sunk in between the half open windows as Castiel laid on the shaggy carpet of a low-star hotel room. He stared out of the window at the abyss that nightfall brought and felt a sadness he’d never experienced.   
The angel had previously never minded being alone, until “alone” meant being away from Dean Winchester. And now “alone” had a whole new and unique ache, as it had escalated into Castiel being lonely while in Dean’s presence. That was a different color of torture altogether.  
The angel scrubbed his hands down his face weakly and rubbed his weary eyes.  
He’d been laying in that exact spot for over three hours, contemplating his in-between feelings. He was in-between needing to maintain the deepest friendship he’d ever known, and needing Dean’s passionate love. He was pretty positive he couldn’t have both, but he was on the verge of an emotional breakdown, and knew he had to tell Dean.   
Castiel was surprisingly calm since he had resolved that the hunter must know, although an occasional tear ran down his face as he wondered how to even begin to tell Dean how he felt. Castiel was prepared for complete rejection, but a part of him needed that rejection—so that he could put the all-consuming love he felt for the hunter away in a secret box inside himself and never re-visit it again. He was willing to be hurt if that meant he could move on.  
How an angel of the Lord could fall in love was beyond Castiel’s understanding. He couldn’t explain the ins and outs of the emotions he felt for Dean. He had ceased to even care. Somethings, he had learned, were simply out of the realm of his control.

Castiel waited until the moon turned into a rising sun before he got up and packed his few belongings to head back to the bunker. He’d successfully closed a case that had proven to be un-supernatural. He was ready to be back “home” and back with his friends again. At the same time, his heart felt heavy in the face of having to do what simply must be done. Before he could mull over it for one more second, his wings came out and, in an instant, he zapped back to the kitchen of the bunker. 

He was greeted by Dean, who was making his morning coffee. Dean took his luggage and set it aside for him. Castiel gave a weak, defeated smile as he observed how kind Dean was. This was just one of the many reasons the angel loved him.  
Although gruff, Dean was benevolent and protective towards those he cared for. He was especially protective over Castiel himself. 

“It wasn’t one of our cases at all” Castiel told Dean, as they both plopped down at the table in opposing chairs.  
“A waste of time, eh?” Dean asked, and Castiel shook his head yes.  
“Only the human monsters this time. The local police had it under control within a few hours.”  
“Huh,” Dean huffed.  
“Why’d you stay gone all night, then?”  
There he was—the protective Dean.  
“I was just having some down time. Doing some thinking.”  
Dean raised his eyebrows.   
“Since when do you need down time, Cas?”   
Castiel was purely exhausted and didn’t have the nerve to explain himself. He shrugged and ignored the question.  
“I know what it was.” Dean said in a playfully cocky way.   
“You just couldn’t stop thinking about me and needed some ‘alone time’, am I right?” His perfectly arched eyebrows wiggled up and down.  
A part of Castiel hated Dean for his flirtatious ways. He hated Dean for letting him think he had a chance at anything other than friendship with him.  
“Dean, Dean, Dean.” The dark haired angel said seriously, shaking his head back and forth.   
Dean cocked his head at Castiel and waited for what was to come next.  
The two looked at each other in a moment of silence. Castiel didn’t know if he had the nerve to say a word more to Dean.

Dean then asked what was wrong with him.   
Suddenly Castiel heard everything he felt flowing out of his mouth in all the wrong ways.  
“You, Dean. You are what is wrong with me.”   
Dean jerked his head back and threw his hands up.  
“What in the hell did I do to you?” He asked defensively.  
“You exist.” Castiel said, shocked at how bluntly his words came out, but finding nothing else inside himself to cushion what he had to say. Frustration and weariness had worn him to the bone.  
“Excuse me, Cas, but just who in the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” 

The angel had imagined a million times over how he’d tell the hunter that he loved him in more than a friendly way, and none of those instances started like this.   
Castiel took a deep breath, formed small fists, and eyed Dean. Both men were now standing with the table between them.  
Dean had a baffled look on his face.  
“You exist to torture me, Dean.” Castiel said lowly as he looked away.  
“Cas, you’re going to have to do better than this, because I’m not entirely sure what’s going through that angel mind of yours, but it doesn’t look like I’m the one being a jackass here.”  
Castiel knew Dean was right, but logic wouldn’t settle into his mind.

“Fuck off, Dean.” Castiel said in a tone that didn’t seem to belong to him.  
“No, Cas. You fuck off, coming at me like I’ve done something to you when I haven’t even seen you for two days.”   
Dean snapped his fingers at Castiel.  
“Snap out of it and tell me what the hell the issue is!”  
“Shut up!”   
Castiel could feel his heart throbbing in his ears, as he boiled with frustration. He tweaked his hand towards Dean and, without actually touching him, forced him lightly against the wall and held him there.  
“You better let me go right now, you little bitch!”   
“I’m not a bitch, I’m the best friend you have.”   
“Maybe I’m missing something here, but friends don’t usually throw me against walls with their superhuman angel powers. And when you let me go, I’m gonna beat your ass.” Dean’s voice had gravel and grit and everything threatening in it.  
“If I don’t keep you in spot, you won’t listen.”   
“I’m not gonna listen to a fugging word you have to say while I’m pinned up here!” Dean yelled at the angel.   
“Let. Me. Down. NOW!” 

Castiel released his hold and Dean came at him, grabbing him by the shoulders and trapping him against the opposite wall that he had been pinned to. Castiel’s mess of unruly black hair fell in his face as his back hit the wall harder than Dean had probably intended. Dean was in Castiel’s personal space, screaming at him and demanding he say what was wrong. Castiel got the strength to shove Dean away from him and get out of the position he was stuck in. Dean’s face was red with anger as they both locked eyes warily. Castiel didn’t know if he was about to punch Dean, or get punched by Dean.   
Hot tears began to emerge from Castiel’s eyes, against his will.  
Dean’s face softened when he saw the stream flowing down Castiel’s cheeks.  
“Just… Tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”   
“I’M IN LOVE YOU.” Castiel screamed between gritted teeth at Dean, his head pounding and ears ringing.

Dean’s face fell and all of the fight all the fight he had in him seemed to wilt.  
“You stupid, stupid son of a bitch.” Dean said in a low tone.  
The hunter shook his head and looked Castiel up and down.  
Castiel felt vulnerability and defeat wash over him.  
“Yes, I know I’m stupid.” He said with a cracked voice. A rush of pink covered his face as he cleared his throat.  
“I have nothing else to say.” He stated flatly and began to walk away.  
“Get your ass back over here, you angelic, cowardly son of a bitch.” Dean yelled at Castiel’s back.   
Castiel paused and looked over his shoulder at Dean, who was breathing heavily with a sort of panicked look on his face.  
“So much for being best friends, I guess.” Castiel said, slumping away.   
He could hear Dean’s stomping footsteps behind him, but continued to his room.   
He considered coasting away to be alone, but the bunker had become his home just as much as it was Dean’s and Sam’s.   
He went as far as his bedroom door and turned to look at Dean. His expression was unreadable.  
Castiel slammed the door in Dean’s face.  
He sat on the edge of his bed, his veins tingling in numb shock at what he’d just let happen. 

The angel didn’t realize that he’d neglected to lock the door until Dean burst in.  
“Since when do angel’s cry?” Dean demanded.  
Castiel didn’t feel like speaking to Dean in that moment, but couldn’t seem to tell him to leave.  
“It’s possible. Living with you and Sam on this earth for so many years has humanized me and—  
“Made you vulnerable?” Dean finished his sentence for him.  
“It would appear that way.” Castiel stared at the floor.  
“What do you want, Dean?” I know how you feel. I knew it would be a disaster to tell you.” Castiel heaved a great sigh.  
“Just leave me be.” 

“Castiel, you listen to me.” Dean took a serious tone.  
“I really wish you’d just let me be alone in my bad spirits.” Castiel tried again.  
“Welp, I’m sorry, but I’m not going anywhere. Unless you want to pull that angel mojo on me again.”   
“Whatever.”   
Castiel bit his bottom lip, trying to get the leaking from his eyes to subside and hating himself for ever thinking that his confession could turn out to be anything but traumatic.

“You’re like a pouting little teenage girl, you know that?”  
Castiel glared at Dean.   
“Why won’t you just get out?” Castiel pleaded with him, not wanting to be this pathetic in front of anyone, especially Dean.  
“Because, this isn’t over.”   
“What isn’t over? There was never anything to be over. I love you, you love women. I’m a non-mortal freak. It’s all simple enough.”  
“Ok, Cas, now you’re just being dramatic.” Dean said with a hint of a snarky tone.  
He moved closer to Castiel’s bed, knelt down in front of the tearful angel and wiped the back of his hand down his cheek, trying to soothe the droplets away.  
“Why are you so mad at me, Cas?” Dean asked with furrowed brows.  
“I’m not even mad.” Castiel admitted.  
Dean stared at him. “So, you confess your feelings like that and then we’re good?”   
“No, we’re not good. We’ll never be good.”  
“Why’s that?”  
“Because, you’ll never feel the same, and my feelings will never change.” Castiel stated firmly, looking regretfully into Dean’s eyes.

“Ok, Angel. Number one, YOU have no idea how I feel. I assume you haven’t been frolicking around in my thoughts and dreams, am I right?”  
Castiel tried to answer no, but Dean cut him off.  
“Eh Eh Eh.” Dean chided, as if trying to stop a dog from indulging in a bad habit.  
It made Castiel shut up immediately. He sat on his bed looking forlorn and red eyed.  
“See, you may have feelings, but you still have no communication skills.” Dean began light heartedly.  
“And you do?” The angel bit back.  
“Because the last time I checked, you couldn’t be honest about your feelings for one single damn day.”  
Dean looked offended.  
“You wanna know how I feel, Cas?” Dean asked, a hint of danger in his voice.   
“Sure.” Castiel said lamely, looking away and expecting insults. 

Instead of an insult, or any words at all, for the matter, Dean was suddenly pushing Castiel on to his back. For a moment Castiel feared that Dean was giving in to violent tendencies.  
He felt his stomach flip as a portion of Dean’s weight landed on top of him. Dean’s hands were tight around Castiel’s wrists, holding him in place. Dean moved swiftly to straddle the angel, whose mind was spiraling with the question of whether or not to fight the hunter off.   
Dean’s face was inches from Castiel.   
The angel’s heartbeat was uneven as Dean’s lips moved so close to his that he felt the air from his breath when he spoke.   
“You want the truth?”  
Castiel didn’t make a sound, but minutely nodded his head ‘yes’.  
“Truth!?” He repeated harshly, pinning Castiel’s wrists harder into the bed.  
He was somehow even closer now, so that Castiel could almost feel his friend’s lips move on his.  
Castiel gave another slight nod, refusing to look at Dean, until Dean demanded that he do so.  
Uncertainty floated in the air thickly as Castiel shrunk under Dean’s weight. He obeyed and wantonly gazed into Dean’s heavily dilated eyes.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Cas.” Dean whispered.  
Although that was reassuring, Castiel’s breathing was heavier than he could ever remember it being, with feelings coursing through his body that he’d only ever imagined before.  
“What’s the truth?” Castiel questioned lowly with every ounce of courage he possessed.   
“I think you’re a stupid son of a bitch for not telling me sooner.” Dean finally answered.   
Dean loosened his grip on Castiel’s wrists, raising up slightly on one arm to run a hand through Castiel’s dark hair, then cradled his head in his hand. Castiel looked up with vivid wide eyes at the man he so desperately desired, with something akin to panic threatening his heaving body.

Dean lifted Castiel’s head and lowed his own, touching his lips against his shaking friend.  
The kiss was a quick one. Dean pulled back. He narrowed his eyes down at Castiel.  
“You know how to kiss, right, Cas?” Dean had disbelief in his tone and a raised left eyebrow.  
Castiel stared silently at his friend for a solid 15 seconds.  
“Dean, I don’t even know if I have any blood flowing into my brain at this very moment.”  
“You know where all that blood goes, right?”  
Castiel gave Dean a deer-in-the-headlights expression. Dean smirked, showing a flash of sharp canine teeth, and before he could respond to the smart mouthed question, Dean fished his hands down Castiel’s chest, and stopped no further than to feel the hardness that he had through his trousers. Castiel’s lower body did a needy sort of reverse flinch into Dean’s hands.   
“Slow down, Cowboy,” Dean said with a crooked grin.   
A mixture of the heat of raging hormones and the sting of embarrassment danced inside Castiel’s body, forcing his feelings onto his face in a flush.  
Castiel’s mouth gapped open slightly as he tried hard to remember how to breathe. Dean took this opportunity to kiss his friend properly. He steadied himself and put both of his calloused hands around Castiel’s cheeks. He slipped his tongue between Castiel’s split lips, and the angel panted into Dean’s mouth helplessly as he tried to follow the hunter’s moves to the best of his ability. His tongue cautiously grazed Dean’s.  
Dean, being Dean, took lead of the situation, guiding Castiel’s tongue in what felt like a serene sort of slow dance inside his mouth. Castiel finally felt the closeness to Dean that he’d yearned so terribly for.  
Castiel thought that, between the thumping of his heart and the throbbing in his now uncomfortably tight trousers, he was going to explode right then and there.  
“Shh…Calm down…” Dean said faintly in a raspy tone that Castiel had never heard from him, even in his drunken flirtations of days gone by.   
Castiel was unassuming and meek. He vaguely began to wonder why Dean was doing this.   
Surely he didn’t have the same effect on Dean as Dean had on him.  
However, Dean continued and when he broke the kiss to move his attention to Castiel’s neck, Castiel quickly forgot what he was wondering.  
Without giving himself permission to do so, a gasp escaped Castiel’s mouth, and his whole body rose up to collide with Dean’s. He was out of his mind, out of control, and out of breath.  
Dean made a slow lick from Castiel’s Adam’s apple all the way up to his earlobe and then paused to make eye contact again.   
When Castiel tried to focus on Dean’s pool of green eyes that only shone as bright as the antique light in his room with a 20watt bulb would allow, the hunter looked fuzzy. 

“Cas…You okay?” He traced his fingertips down Castiel’s lips.  
“I never knew…You’re so gentle.”   
Castiel felt as though he couldn’t find any words in his vocabulary to express what he was trying to convey  
“What’d you expect?” Dean asked perplexedly.  
“For you to punch me in the face.”   
Dean chuckled nervously.   
“I doubt that’s what you wanted, though.”  
Dean allowed a small opening of space between them.  
Castiel gave a nod of agreement.   
“You never thought I might feel some sort of way toward you, Cas?” Dean said, climbing off of Castiel and laying down on his back beside his him, taking a deep breath of his own. He adjusted a noticeable bulge in his blue jeans and Castiel felt a dash of happiness surge through his chest.  
“All those flirtations weren’t always made as a joke.” He confessed with closed eyes.  
Castiel propped up on his right elbow to face Dean.  
“So you wanted this?”  
Dean laughed with wholesomeness and flattened a palm against his forehead.  
“I just raped you with my mouth. What do you think?”  
Castiel crooked his head to one side and studied the hunter’s face. Dean gazed at him with a small smile on his lips. Slowly, Castiel smiled back.  
“Get the fuck over here, Cas.”

**Author's Note:**

> I aplologize for this piece dragging out a bit at the start, but I enjoy where it goes from there. ;)  
> PLEASE leave comments, kudos, whateva ya heart desires. It'd truly mean a lot.


End file.
